Create A New Season Blog

Today, I was in the process of driving driving driving and listening listening and more listening to talk radio.  I tried to listen to a balance.  My brain will just remain unchallenged, if I constantly listen to what I already agree with.   I actually love heated discussions, as long as they are void of personal attacks.  I learn from hearing other perspectives.  I may not agree with all opinions, but as I’ve written before I want to know why.

I heard the slams on Palin and McCain.  It’s the same ole’ stuff.  I heard the slams against Obama and it’s redundancy to the 100th power.

The one comment that caught my attention was “What will your gut tell you when you walk into that booth?”     Which candidate do we feel comfortable with, as we consider who will be the next leader of the free world?   Listen to your gut.  What is your gut telling you?  The last time I checked, a gut reaction is subjective.

However, as I’ve learned from serving as a life coach to various clients; our body has a way of sending us messages.  We have an essential self…the way we were wired and the gifts that we came into the world with.  However, as we are raised we are socialized to learn self-discipline and social competence.  Yet, sometimes, though well intentioned, parents seem to destroy a child’s spirit in an effort to train them to fit into a mold of the values of the family.   That type of background may leave people totally confused about who they really are and what do they really think.

Our thoughts can be manipulated, shifted, changed and spun in the opposite direction by what we hear.  If we listen and listen to friends, family and the media, we may feel that we know ourselves and what feels right.   However, in her book “Finding Your Own North Star”, Martha Beck helps us understand that our thoughts and opinions may represent how we’ve been socialized.

Signals from our body actually give us a clearer idea of what we really think.   Now that I’m really  trying to understand my “body compass”…understanding what we really think and who we are; I’m devoting some time this week-end to writing down my reasons for voting for or not voting for each candidate.   When something doesn’t feel right for my body, I become tired, tense, feel tightness in my chest and want to emotionally eat.   However, as I examine a decision I can tell what my body is telling me by taking the time to determine if I’m relaxing, energized, and a have a serenity/peace via my body letting go.

Collectively, our Country needs the right leadership.  The focus of this post is not to convince you of who to vote for.   Everyone else is doing that already.  However, I urge you to be still, do some journaling, picture yourself in the voting booth.  Is there a “Shackles On” feeling when you consider voting for one candidate vs. a “Shackles Off” feeling when considering another candidate?

If a series of gremlin feelings come up in regard to one candidate over the other, do some detective work to determine which thought is behind the feeling.  Then check to see what that thought does to your body compass.  What physical symptoms do you notice?   What is your gut really telling you?    I voted Republican throughout all the years that I had the privilege to vote.  However,   I listened to my gut and truly felt “shackles on” when thinking of voting for Bush in 2004.  I truly didn’t get it, but I knew that my body had a wisdom that I need to pay attention to.  I voted for Kerry, which was against my “raising and value system”.   History may prove me wrong, but I was deeply concerned about four more years of the Bush Administration.

Again, I’m not telling you who I’m voting for or who you should vote for.   However,   their is wisdom buried in our souls and hearts that no media pundit can touch.

This is an important decision.  It’s becoming emotional and we want change.  We’ll get a change in the administration no matter, who we vote for.  Listen to your gut, check your body physical symptoms and don’t right them off.  Our collective soul wisdom can/will give us the right person to guide our country for the next four years.

I welcome any opinions.

Blessings,

Mary Ann

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Okay, tonight’s the night I’ll be sharing more  information about cultivating a resilient spirit in your own life.

Of course the hope is that you’ll also see the importance of offering the same training in developing the trait of resilience for your children.

I’m shining my one little light or trying to use my tinyspace on the plantet to make the world a better place.  I do believe that it starts at home.  Parents are the first teachers.

The cool thing about Brain Development is that resilience is a trait that is available for everyone.  The brain is dynamic…open to change and I’m offering tools to help you rewire your brains to adopt a resilient mindset.   I am a reformed worry-aholic and it took work, but my brain finally developed some new connections that allow me to bounce back quickly once I allow myself time to think about things.

This is a tough time in our country for many and I don’t want to downplay the grief, worry, misery, sadness, depression that accompany a huge lifestyle change, financial woes, worries about the future.    There are other ways to cope and I want to talk about this on the call.

Join us by calling 712-432-0600.  The class code is 296049#   The class is scheduled for tonight October 30th at 9:00 EDT, 8:00 CDT, and will be repeated live beginning at 9:00 p.m PDT and 8:00 p.m. MDT.

I’m repeating the call for the convenience of parents, who have asked me to do a series of free calls.   I’ll also have the recordings posted on my website at a future date.

E-mail me if you want copies of the recording ASAP:  maryannlowry@mac.com and I’ll send you the recording and class handouts.

Hope to hear many voices tonight, as we discuss this topic at a time when there is collective concern about financial issues, the election, etc.

Blesssings,

Mary Ann

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Wow!  If ever there was a time when we need to live into an adjective,   the time has come to be resilient.   People, who are resilient, can cope with troubled times with peace, grace and a confidence that this too shall pass.   I can tell everyone of my readers to be resilient.

“Oh, while your practicing resilience , save the left overs for your kids.”

I’m offering a series of free teleclasses on “Raising Awesome Children”.    This Thursday night,  I’ll be teaching the class called

“Cultivating a Resilient Mindset to Raise Resilient Children”.   The class will offer much more than a suggestion to be resilient. I think that concept has already been accepted as a given for today’s troubled times.   Based on my own knowledge and the research on some of the top authorities on Resilience,  I’ll be offering a “hands on” practical parenting class for your own benefit and to apply the knowledge in raising children.

Dr. Robert Brooks suggests “Ten Keys to Resilient Living”.  I’ll share much more in the class, but this will give you a peek at what is to come:

1.  Rewrite your negative scripts.

2.  Choose a path to become Stress Hardy rather than stressed out

3.  View life through the eyes of others.

4. Communicate Effectively

5.  Accept Yourself and Others

6.  Make Connections and Display Compassion

7.  Learn to Deal with Mistakes

8.  Build Islands of Competence

9.  Continue Developing Self-Discipline and Self-Control

10.  Maintaining your Resilient Lifestyle Takes Work

*****Pleasure Warning:   A Resilient Mindset Will Change Your Life.

Register for the class by sending me an e-mail:  maryannlowry@mac.com     The times are listed on the page that says “Free Parenting Teleclasses”

When I get your e-mail, I’ll send you the  handouts and the call in number with our class code.   Hope to hear from you soon.

Blessings,

Mary Ann

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Monday was a manic Monday.   I was actually having a great day and then….a call from the accountant.   It’s a long long story, but I settled a lawsuit in 2006.   The other party turned in W-2 form showing that they had written me a check for quite a bit of money.  I never received a check and they neglected to send me the form to report that as income, so I could have cried fowl in early 2007.

However, that’s not the theme of this post.   I could hear my inner lizard giving me a million reasons to be in despair.  The lizard came close to winning.   In fact my primitive flight/fight mechanism was certainly wired that evening.   Then the next day, I finally asked my right hemisphere to get involved.   I also prayed.   I could decide to go into “meltdown mode” or hold onto my spirit of joy and peace.  The choice was mine.  The IRS could certainly trigger my primitive emotions, but once I realized what was happening….a day later I did everything I teach my clients to do to find my way back to joy.

Though I don’t know the end of this scenario, in my mind I’ve got the feeling that it’s over.  I have the W-2 form in my hand that will say that #$@%@# company paid me $0.00 dollars in 2006.   The feeling of peace and joy and happiness are a million times better than despair.

Don’t make the mistake that I did and have a sleepless night over the “Lack/attack” helpless mode.   It’s not helpful and it isn’t necessary.  My lawyers, who settled the case got involved, and I got a call that the $0.00 W-2 was on it’s way.   By that time the problem had already been resolved in my mind.

God actually commanded us not to worry about tomorrow.  In the Mary Ann Lowry translation that would read, “Don’t you have enough stuff to deal with today.  Stay in today.  You are not in charge of your life.  You committed your life to be a Christian, so just let God do the work. ”

Joy and peace are just a thought away.  Remember that in times of trouble.   Let God work behind the scenes in your behalf and consider the problem resolved.  Do what you have the power to do and just “really let it go.”

I continued with my week even though I wanted to shut my life down with one more thing to deal with.  However,  a spirit of Joy is definitely for everyone.  You just have to choose to go there.   I borrow I mantra I learned from Martha Beck.  For the next 15 minutes, I’m responsible for nothing.  My body has been through a lot.  My body deserves  some R&R.  Everything that I can do to help the situation has been accomplished.

My body eventually lets go and I can feel my shoulders dropping the tension.    As we’re all facing a collective transition as Americans remember that JOY is always a choice for dealing with a hard time.  Even though it doesn’t make sense to maintain a spirit of joy when times are rough, it sure will be much easier on your mental health and physical health.

My blog readers are incredible people.  I care for you even though I haven’t met many of you.  I choose to write this blog, as my contribution to make life easier and more abundant for anyone who visits.

Remember you’re worth cultivating a “joyful spirit”.   Go outside and play.  The right side of the brain can send us into a state of peace and nirvana.   Do something you truly enjoy and let the rest go.

I’m pulling for all of you and hold onto the thought that one person in blog land cares deeply about anyone who happens to come to my site.

Repeat after me, “I’m responsible for nothing right now.  I’ve been through a lot this week.  I deserve to just be and relax and play”.

Blessings,

Mary Ann

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I was asked to write an article for “Stay at Home Mom Answers” www.sahmanswers.com  Since this is a blog written to make life easier for my readers, I’m switching topics to post this article.   It really is tough being a parent, as well as a joy.  

Parenting Teens almost seems like a mismatch of words or an oxymoron. It’s like bringing a glass of water to put out a fire. From my own experience in raising my two boys, work in education and coaching teens, I’ll throw out some thoughts on parenting teens. 

1. Give them a daily dose of love and appreciation. Yes, I know that this is extremely difficult especially when they are doing all possible to push you away. However, unconditional love is a basic need of all of us. It will keep some type of open communication. 

2. Remember they live to avoid embarrassment 24/7 according to Dr. Mel Levine. Just showing up at their school may embarrass them. Parents seem to be a source of embarrassment for teens just by breathing.  

3. Show up for their events at school where other parents will be present. As long as other “nerdy

geeky parents” of other cool kids are around, it’s okay for you to be there. My boys are in their 20’s and they remember that I was there for band concerts, swim meets and any moment where they were on center stage. This sends a great non-verbal message that “You Rock, Sweetheart” without saying the words verbally. 

4. Encourage and provide ways for them to be part of activities where they’ll have the chance to around other teens with similar values. When they “hang out” with other peers, likely to have good basic values, like youth groups, it’s helpful to avoid the drug scene and other peer temptations .

5. Remember that you’re their parent and don’t try to be a friend. Attempts by parents to be cool usually fail anyway. They actually like structure and rules. 

6. Say “Yes” to requests when you can. I had to say “no” to so many requests like going to parties with no adult supervision. “Yes” communicates that your goal is not to destroy their lives or to keep them from having fun. 

7. Be home as much as possible. Have a zero tolerance rule for inviting friends over when you’re not

home. Teens tend to make poor decisions with a house full of friends with no adults present….even great kids will be tempted. 

8. Remember they’re minors and need to be protected from themselves. Monitor Internet use and let them know you will be doing that. If you pay for this service or their cell phone, these belong to you.  

9. Understand that the judgment centers in teen’s brains aren’t developed as adult brains. Loan them your brain power even if the gift is not appreciated. Their primitive emotional area of the brain is fullly developed and even swollen. They are developmentally self-absorbed at times and need the adults in their lives to provide natural logical consequences and structure. 

10. It takes a village to raise a teen. My boys would only talk when they were ready. I became good friends with the girl’s mothers, who would often tell me things their girls told them. Girls have quite a bit more drama that surfaces, but they do communicate. Our job is to protect teens from themselves and to alert other parents to concerns about their kids. Most parents really do want to know, though some will be defensive. 

Bonus tip: Volunteer to drive teens to events. As a driver, they perceived me as a deaf chaffeur. I learned a lot of things by turning off the radio, keeping my mouth closed and listening.The sweet child, who they once were, will suddenly come back to you in their early twenties. Teens are wired to be independent and find their own way…even though their methods aren’t exactly the most socially appropriate and kind.  

Hang in there, Moms. They still need you and you’ll all make it through this stage in one piece. 

Mary Ann

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I grew up in a deeply faith in God driven heritage.   My Granddaddy was a preacher, my uncle was a preacher and my cousins and 2nd cousins continue to be drawn to the call of serving God through ministry.   I called my paternal grandfather “Papa”  pronounced “Pawpaw” in southern style.  He had a gift for just looking at a verse in the Bible and then reframing it to hit us all in the head with the “absolute simple truth for living in his statement”.  One of his great quotes was “You’ll never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul Trailer!”  I’ve thought of that quote time and again as people are so hurt, scared, worried and downright fearful about the change in the financial picture in America.  (Read on …)

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Okay,  I’m a political junkie.  I had a chance to listen to the debates on radio last night with all the other Los Angeles commuters parked on the freeway.   We really should open our windows and talk to each other and make it a “Debate Party”.   I think I’ve said this before.  One thing I like about listening on the radio is that I miss the non-verbal.  Though it came through in their speech.   Of course, this was carefully orchestrated…even though Tom Brokaw reminded me of being a University Professor when you throw out the words …”No Child Left Behind” to a group of teachers. That’s like bringing leftover food of any kind to the teacher’s lounge at AnySchool! USA  I really had to limit everyone’s time to give a seminar discussion type class  the opportunity for everyone to have a chance to voice their opinion.  The cool thing about that format is we were getting the “real authentic bottom line” truth.   No one ever said, “Ms. Lowry or Mary Ann, I thank you so much for asking that question.”  I understood all the nice pleasant comments and would have said “Thank you to everyone and even managed to throw in a comment or two about my family members” .    However, I would probably never have a chance to be a presidential or even a vice presidential candidate.  I’m ruined for life, because I finally learned that living authentically is so much easier.  We really don’t know either candidate.  They are highly coached.  They practice their rhetoric and do whatever they can to deliver the information that will appeal to the American voter.   I’m not saying that either candidate was dishonest, but to tell you the truth I’ve been duped by the system before.   (Read on …)

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If any of you watched the debates tonight or even listened or read news, you already know that the economic picture in the U.S. looks a bit gloomy.  People are caught in the left brain verbal chatter of “Lack and Attack”.   It’s a blessing to have language, but the inner verbal chatter can really drive one insane with fear.   One thought produces another thought then another and then suddenly…you may picture your family living in the SUV due to all the “what if’s”.    That’s a prewired survival mechanism in the primitive (reptilian brain).  Our friend Mr. Lizard has the same primitive survival instinct.   The difference between this primitive fear of survival between the reptile family and ourselves have to do with the fact that humans are blessed with language.   If you’re like me, I  can think things to death until I’m suddenly living my worst nightmares, but only in my thoughts turned into feelings of fear, tension, etc.   Our body goes into survival mode even though we may be sitting in the comfort of our living room with a full refrigerator.  To date, I’ve never slept in my car…with the exception of a need for more comfy quarters while camping.    Yet, I can be out on the streets in seconds once my lizard brain starts popping out thoughts of distress like flashbulbs going off in my brain.   I’m actually going someplace with all of this.  Our thoughts which produce excess stress and or fear never ever ever work to make our lives easier.  Instead this verbal chatter brings on more stress and shuts down the creative part of your brain to creatively develop solutions to make our lives easier.   Even Jesus, the greatest man, to live on earth due to his divinity commanded us “DO NOT BE AFRAID”.   That was a command and not a suggestion from a “self help guru”.  To get out of this left brain chatter mode, life becomes so much easier if we start thinking more with the right brain.  The right hemisphere houses the part of the brain that feels joy, happiness, play streaks, etc.   Humor and laughter will move us into more of a left brain mindset.   Today, on the elevator a Mom joined three of us, as we were going down.  Her tiny, one month old daughter, was absolutely adorable.  We all smiled and genuinely said such sweet things to this beautiful child.   After they left, my friend Claire, mentioned that no one ever talked to her like a baby while she was on an elevator.    I couldn’t resist the temptation to really stare at her lovingly and tell her how adorable she is.    We all laughed and one person commented that she would actually love to be adored and treated like she was absolutely the cutest thing we’d seen.  Everyone else admitted that this would be a treat on certain days.    There was a lot on my mind.  Claire was concerned about her husband, who had just had open heart surgery.   Being silly for a few minutes felt really good.    When life feels overwhelming, Martha Beck recommends that we need to set aside time for fun and play to stay out of the stress of the left brain.  Here’s your coaching homework for tomorrow.  Find one thing, joke, incident to laugh about.   Find a way to play…even if play means going on a hike by yourself.  It will make a huge difference in your mental health.  Left brain chatter won’t solve your problems.  From experience, I can tell you that worry never made things easier.  It’s better to acknowledge your feelings  and move on to something fun.   That will actually stimulate new neural connections and will slowly serve to level the playing field between the right and left brain.  let me know what you thinK?Maryann 

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Uh, sorry for those of you, who read my blog on a regular basis and for those of you who don’t.   I was MIA during September.   I broke the laws of “Great Blogging”    MIA CULPA!  MIA CULPA!Talking about my health and/or the weather and my old socks is not exactly great content for a blog, so I don’t usually discuss any of those intriguing subjects.   However,  I guess I need to talk about my health for two reasons.     First of all i missed blogging for “Invisible Illness Awareness Month”.   Why is that such a big deal?    I want to promote the fact that there are people using those handicapped parking places, who don’t look sick at all.    Yet, they have an an invisible chronic illness and/or maybe an invisible chronic pain issue.  I talked about my health a bit in the post written about Barack Obama and his stand on health care.   I happen to have two chronic pain conditions and September was my month to prepare my body to get ready for a heavy dose of injections into the ligaments.   By the time I got back on the plane and returned to Southern CA, i had 620 injections of sodium morphuate (fun big word to impress friends).    Nope, I didn’t go for a fix of some wonderful elixir to keep me floating above the clouds for a year.   I actually had a treatment referred to as “prolo therapy”.   This heavy duty dose of prolo is designed to trick my body into thinking I’ve been injured.  Guess what!   It definitely accomplished that goal.   My ligaments were injected throughout the hip, pubic, rear regions to stablilize the joints.   I’m extremely hypermobile and my sacrum loves to remind me by rotating to the left and rising in the back.  I’d be okay with that if it didn’t cause a whole bunch of pain as it twists and shouts.   It doesn’t actually shout, but the pain shouts.  I also have sacroiliac joint dysfunction, so the prolo is a must to keep the sacrum in line.   For the past two weeks,, I was high on “Demerol” and felt like I had fallen down three flights of stairs on my rear or pride.  To complicate matters the abdominal pubic injections led to the feeling like I’d fallen down three flights of stairs on my tummy.  Who in their right mind would put themselves through such an entertaining process of pain?????    Me and tons of others with chronic invisible pain.   It actually will lead to better health and less pain, if we just grit our teeth and bear it.  I mention my pain condition in an effort to help people understand that not every healthy looking person, who uses a handicapped parking place, is a real sleaze taking away a space needed by one in the wheel chair.   I must keep my walking to even surfaces and avoid stairs like the plague.  If faced with a situation where I have to walk uphill, downhill, or climb stairs then I “go for it” in regards to handicapped parking.    I also put a great deal of time and mental work into staying in a “NOW Mentaility” and keeping my mind in a “Joyful Place.   The mind/body connection is huge.  By keeping myself in a state of joy,   I’m able to feel better…even when the pain is higher.   If a gremlin thought creeps into my head,  I can tell because I become fearful, anxious, angry and hurt for no real “cut to the chase” reason.   I usually go after that thought and work it out through mental gymnastics or as Martha Beck calls it “Roto Rooter to the Psyche”.    This is absolutely huge in helping me stay well.   I also help my chronic illness/pain coaching clients learn to think “Joy”, because it immediately diminishes the pain.    It’s not that the pain is in our head.  The pain is real.  However,    learning to feel “Joy, Peace, Calm” while your body heals; will automatically bring the pain levels down.  The feeling creates the circumstance: wellness; rather than the gremlin thoughts about the circumstance leading to the desired feeling.    In September I was preparing my body for healing by thinking joyful thoughts.   I was also listening to my body and letting it rest and read and just be.   My body and your body really try to talk to us and tell us what it needs.   I have pushed through pain and made myself go out feeling awful, but it always comes back to literally bite me in the rear.    If you suffer from any of the chronic pain issues that are near and dear to my heart, I’d love to talk with you about the mind body connection and the most promising medical approaches for wellness.   I’ve been diagnosed with sacroiliac joint dysfunction, pudendal neuropathy or pudendal nerve entrapment.     I know the drill of living with chronic illness and still doing all that’s possible to live a full abundant life.   It can be done.   However, I know that when I suddenly have to listen to my body and stay home to rest or cancel appointments: I come across as a flake.   I’ve been called “Undependable”, and so have most of my buddies with chronic pain.    However, the real desire is to cultivate wellness by listening carefully to our bodies and keeping a contract to do what we can mentally to prepare our bodies to heal. I hope this little mini conversation on living with chronic pain wasn’t too boring.   Most of us, who don’t look sick, are really a fun group.    We would much rather be living without a health challenge.   However, it’s absolutely vital that we listen to our bodies and communicate what we need.  Do me a favor and just assume that the person, who takes the handicapped parking place, really needs it for a hidden health reason?   Don’t give those “able bodied” people   “the look”.   Understand that there is most likely a hidden limitation that is the reason for parking in the spot for the disabled.    If your one with chronic illness, do yourself a favor and listen to your body.   If someone dare call you a flake, that’s more of a reflection on their own limited thinking.   Let me know if I can help you through coaching.   Mary Ann I           

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Okay, IMHO, Obama definitely captured the attention and hit a home run.  I write this as a “Life Long Conservative Republican”.   Do I agree with his views on all issues impacting America today?   No!  However,  I give him a huge, YES, because he touched a nerve that I know is beyond political rhetoric.   I have fought ongoing battles with insurance companies, and totally identify with the story he shared about his mother.In 1995 I have fought my way back to a higher quality of life, after my life suddenly changed when I woke up in severe pain one day.   I won’t make this a medical report.  However, I will strongly say that America is not a great place to be when one has a rare chronic pain condition.   Yes, we have great medical care and I’ve seen some incredibly brilliant health care providers.  Thanks to their skills I was able to recover and I confidently say that I’m 80% better.  The problem isn’t the lack of appropriate medical care in America.  The issue is that one must have financial resources or be a “quick study”  to battle with insurance companies to obtain services.   I was lucky that we had a policy through my ex-husband’s insurance benefits that allowed us to go “out of network”.   The HMO side of my insurance policy said that all treatments that were promising and had been proven to help others with my condition were viewed as “Not Medically Necessary”.  Until around 2001 most of my care through “out of network providers” was covered at a 70% rate.   After I was diagnosed with a neuropathic condition, suddenly the services were deemed “NOT MEDICALLY NECESSARY”.    Since the early part of the 21st century, my tax forms reflect that I spend on average of $20,000 per year for doctor’s care, prescriptions, physical therapy and travel for medical care.    Fortunately, I have/had the financial resources to find the funds for care.  All was well until my two sons were both in college at the same time.   Our savings set aside for college had dwindled to nothing.  We took out home equity loans and/or borrowed from my parents to cover my high medical costs.I heard Obama loud and clearly when he spoke of his Mother’s struggle with cancer and spending her last days fighting with her insurance company for care.   I’ve fought for so many services and spent my energy, which should have been devoted to healing, to draft letters and make copies of medical reports.   My doctors have written letters in my behalf.   One insurance company even told me that nerve blocks to treat my neuropathic condition could be self administered.  I responded by asking them to form a team to meet with a friend and myself to train us how to administer these nerve blocks.   I asked for medical literature to support the finding that patients should be responsible for administering their own nerve blocks.  I explained that my physicians wouldn’t train me or a trusted frined to offer self treatmen